How do you define beauty?

Thursday, 12 March 2015

Beauty is a word which can conjure a clean and definitive image in our mind every time we hear it. Whether it's a Victoria's Secret model strutting down the catwalk, or a bunch of freshly cut long stemmed roses... beauty is a word which can mean many things, to many people.

I've had a love hate relationship with 'beauty' my entire life and today I wanted to share my continuing journey with what 'beauty' means to me, and hopefully hear your thoughts too.

From the age of around 9 years, there was only really one image in my mind of what a beautiful woman looked like. She was a young sophisticated woman, tall, slim, with long blonde hair and a beautiful face. You could say the epitome of beauty in my childish eyes equaled a cross between a real life barbie doll, and the woman I was reluctantly about to welcome into my family as a 'step-mother'.

As I grew older, my sense of what 'beauty' meant to me changed. I had an accident as a 10 year old child which led to me having my forehead scar, which meant that I would no longer fit into my own ideals of what a beautiful woman looked like, or would grow up to look like. Thus meaning, I'd have to work extra hard to become 'beautiful'.

As a preteen and teenager, I rebelled against the rules of society and along with that, the rules of 'beauty'. I was what you'd call misunderstood, and looking back, in bad need of reassurance, therapy and to be quite honest - likely just a hug from my parents.

Fast forward a few years and after cutting my long thick brown hair into a jaw length bob, plastering my eyelids in eyeliner and dressing head to toe in black, I did my best to fight against the very essence of my beauty ideology. I skateboarded, sang in a hardcore punk band and thew a few moves in a 'mosh pit' which in itself is a slightly beautiful rebellion in a sort of cliche poetic way.

However, it was pretty much the internet which dragged my sorry sullen ass out of beauty black hole, and helped me become confident in my skin.

You see, from the age of about 16, 17, i'd come full circle and even welcomed colour back into my wardrobe. The idealized vision of beauty in my mind hadn't even strayed too far from my childlike vision. I still hoped one day I'd become that barbie doll, glamour model, blonde beauty and I adored the playboy bunny look. The bleached hair, and tanned skin. Which was bang on trend, and out in the world in full force and needless to say, I wanted in on it. I wanted to not only look the part, but have the glamour career to go along with it too.

Pressure and passion can break you, and at 18/19 I used to have panic attacks every week before I headed out to the local nightclub with a girlfriend. I worried and panicked that I didn't look okay, that I wasn't good enough, that nobody would like me. I was too fat, too boring, too bland... you name it, I probably cried over it - numerous times.

It was only at 21, after roughing it out in the glamour model industry for two years years did I finally realise what beauty was, and how very wrong i'd been my whole life. You see, by the time I realised what it actually meant to feel beautiful, I'd wasted half of my life dreaming, hoping and wishing to look a different way and feeling depressed that I wasn't seeing what I wanted in the mirror. The modeling industry almost destroyed me mentally, and I've no shame in admitting that.

I was, and for the majority of my life, have been insecure. I have many faults and many scars - both physically and mentally . Along with that, I also know that there aren't enough bottles of concealer in the world to cover some of these old wounds - only time can do that...

But you know what? That's okay.

Our scars, our spots and our quirks make us who we are. When you let go, and stop chasing what society tells you is beautiful, and embrace what makes you who you are...  you'll finally begin to feel it.

To this blogger, beauty isn't defined by how strong my contour is, how fierce my brows are or even how ombre my hair is. Yes all of those traits are beautiful, but are they the be all and end all of what makes someone beautiful? Absolutely not.

Since I began sharing my 'adult acne' journey, I've had so many comments emails, tweets and messages about how I've helped other people accept who they are, accept their skin and make them feel beautiful when they look in the mirror and honestly, that makes me feel so happy.

As painful as it sounds, It took me 25 years to look in the mirror, past my acne, my dodgy hair dye, pale skin, and old scruffy pyjamas to finally see a woman staring back that I was pleased to see. For it took far too long to realise that beauty is much more than how you look in the mirror. It's about how you spend your day, how you help others and most importantly....

True beauty is being the best version of yourself you can be on the inside and out. 

Thanks for reading my thoughts, I'd love to hear yours. 
Em xxx


  1. Life's too short to worry about things we can't change about ourselves. Better to accept who we are and be happy. People place more value on the person you are than how you look anyway and if they don't, they're not worth having in your life anyway.

    Really great post. x

  2. What a great post, there's nothing more beautiful to me than someone who is comfortable in their own skin with who they are, and also I think you always look lovely :)
    Rosy x

  3. This is such a lovely post and very true.

    Beth x

  4. This is such a beautiful post. I always thought that I'd finally like myself when I lost weight, when my hair grew, etc etc. We're always waiting for our physical appearance to give us that extra self-esteem - whether it's skin getting better or losing a few lbs. The obsession with how we look stops us from living in the moment. There are so many more important things than being aesthetically perfect - the most beautiful people in my life radiate beauty because they have amazing souls on the inside. It just takes a lot of time to realise that that's what counts.
    Lydia x

  5. Omg I actually nearly cried reading this, it felt as though you were talking to me as my story is very similar. I am still battling with my own 'beauty' and self worth.
    Such a lovely well written post xx

  6. Such a great post Em. It takes a lot of courage to write something like this. Kudos to you for having that courage and inspiring people to be comfortable in their own skin. :)

  7. Such a beautiful post, very well written. I think this is something that every girl and woman alike needs to read, we as a society are unfortunately very down on ourselves and it's important true beauty is what lies on the inside. Our looks should not shape and define who we are.

    Toni x

  8. This is such an amazing post and so well put. I love how honest and thanks for sharing your views on beauty. I do agree that beauty should not be what is in the outside but who are you are as a person and most of all what you think of yourself.

    Beautiful post xxx

  9. Amazing post. You are so brave to share your honest thoughts with everyone, very inspiring! You look lovely without makeup :)

  10. Such a beautiful post. I probably have more confidence at this particular moment in my life than I ever have before but with things like the media constantly shaming women and men for their weight etc, in this day and age it is hard to be confident! x

  11. I can relate a lot to your struggle of finding what true beauty is. From a young age, I thought being super slim and always perfect was the definition of beauty. It's funny now that I am in my twenties how I see beauty differently. I find more beauty in nature (like your reference to long stemmed roses) and I think humanity is more beautiful in it's flaws. When people talk about their passions, or a middle aged women's wrinkles that show she's spent the majority of her life smiling, these among other things are how I see beauty now. Beautiful post and I loved the two photos you shared :)

  12. This is such a beautiful, inspiring post. I'm 16 and have very low self esteem to the point where I stress about my appearance. After reading your post I feel inspired to work on my self esteem and stop worrying about looking "perfect" and comparing myself to other people. Thank you for sharing x
    Much love
    Chloe x

  13. If you feel pretty you will express confidence and thats what beauty is all about

  14. I had to share this with my Facebook 'real life' not blogging friends as I really feel people need to see this! It is amazing post and wow you hit something inside of me and made me try to change my perspective too, it's funny how similar we were, I was that all in black, getting through an eyeliner a day look too before changing to who I am now!
    Mary-Ann xx
    Angel Flicks

  15. I can relate to your story on so many levels and I completely agree on that last statement.
    Reading a book I came across this definition that I'd like to share with you.
    I wrote my thesis on personal beauty so this kind of posts really interest me :) maybe even more than makeup tutorials sometimes. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.


  16. I absolutely loved this! Honest. I completely understand where you are coming from too. Growing up around 11-13, I was severely bullied for my looks. I had frizzy red hair, braces, no makeup, pale skin, and freckles–thank god, I didn't have acne and never had. I had no friends because I was so bullied. I think that's why I became so obsessed with makeup and all things beauty when I got around the age of 16. I was determined to feel beautiful. I died my hair all colors: blonde, brunette, black; and I also straightened it. I did all this just so I wouldn't have frizzy ginger hair and get bullied for it. I used to cake my face in makeup to hide the freckles.

    Then one day, I woke up. Now, I love my red hair and freckles and feel comfortable having bare skin in public. Do I feel like Beyonce every day? No. Do I feel more confident in my own skin and feel that I am pretty just the way I am? I'm getting there.

    I think you've totally inspired me to write my own blog post like this now sharing my story! :)

    Emily |

  17. You are such an incredible, inspiring woman. I relate to so much of this, and it's so nice to hear someone with such similar experiences. It's so hard to grow up in a world that constantly throws physical beauty ideals in our faces. Advertisements are so damaging, especially for young girls.
    Thank you for being such an inspiration and showing people the true meaning of beauty.

  18. I'm quite young and many people my age are wearing lots of make up I was starting to consider wearing more make up but this has reminded me to embrace my youth and natural beauty thank you!

  19. This is an amazing post, loved reading this! x

  20. Love this post Em, so sincere and so wise... and if you ask me you're a truly beautiful person not only from a physical perspective (your eyes are gorgeous by the way) but from the way your project such a positive attitude and honest and open you are.

    Such a doll!

    Lucy x

  21. Thank you so much for writing this post. I have had issues my whole life about not being good enough and worried about how other people see me. Having no confidence in myself I look at myself so differently to how other people see me and it is something I need to learn to deal with.
    It is so good to hear how you have been able to get pass this.
    All the best.

  22. Bravo, just by writing this you've become even more beautiful.

    All the best

  23. Honestly by far, one of the best posts I have ever had the joy of reading. I want to give you a big cuddle. It was so lovely to briefly meet you last year, you truly are a beautiful girl, inside and out :)

    Zoe Newlove Beauty Blogger & MUA

  24. Honestly by far, one of the best posts I have ever had the joy of reading. I want to give you a big cuddle. It was so lovely to briefly meet you last year, you truly are a beautiful girl, inside and out :)

    Zoe Newlove Beauty Blogger & MUA

  25. very inspiring. i was inspired. i got an acne too. too many scars all over my face. i'm wondering since i'm a filipina. what can you recommend make up products for me?

  26. You are so so beautiful you don't realise! I just want to give you a big hug and say life is too short to worry about those things! Truly inspiring post, much love x

    That Girl Rhianna

  27. I'm in the same boat as wincess Ann except I'm caucasian. My skin,acne has always heald me back It ruins my confidence. I even avoid mirrors unless it's the right lighting. I'm working on being comfortable in my skin. Would love to know what products you recommend to cover acne and larger pores??

  28. I hope this helps. when young I was a female apprentice motor mechanic I started to get bad acne to the point it wouldn't be long before it became craters. so I started to use clearasil face wash every morning ( NOT the Superfruits Refreshing Wash ) and as soon as I got home from work. I also applied a cream called OXY 10 . the Clearasil is a red clear liquid. I stoped using make up because it feeds the acne. I also used a soap called NEUTROGENA Hypoallergenic Cleanser Bar before I applied the Clearasil after 2 weeks I noticed they were slowly going away I used it for around 6 months. I'm now 42 and have never had acne again. I had my husbands daughter live here a few years ago for a few months she wore make up everyday I didn't realize she had acne until I seen her without her make up. I bought her the same stuff and she took annual leave for 2 weeks I made her stop wearing make up and used the items above she seen how it was helping after that I told her with her skin all she needed to wear to work is mascara and eyeliner and blush no need for foundation or concealer. this will work not only for girls but the guys to just do not be lazy guys. and by the way this stuff is in Australia I'm not sure if it is oversea's but the Chemist Warehouse Australia might have the items you want and they post international. good luck and all the best <3 Eileen

  29. I am sure lots of people (like the post above) share with you the methods they used to clear up their acne, but you may find some methods that work for you so I am going to do the same thing. I, like many, had super bad acne. I know the torture it is. I notice that your acne appears red and inflamed (bacterial infection) the most effective product I found for treating that aspect is Hibiclense. It is a surgical antibacterial antimicrobial soap. They use it in hospitals, but you can also buy it online or at many drug stores. Used daily it really helps get rid of the infection -which helps the areas clear up a lot. Other tips: Blood cleansing herbs. I used burdock root in capsules. Some people like yellow dock root, or combo formulas. The skin is an eliminatory organ (along with the lungs, bladder, and bowels) anything you can do to help clean toxins out of your body helps clear up the skin. For me, taking two burdock capsules a day made a remarkable difference. I worked at a healthfood store in herbs for many years and saw blood cleansing herbs help many a young woman with her skin. The liver clears hormones from the blood and especially at different times of a womans cycle it is overtaxed/cant keep up, and you see the result in poor skin. At times like these especially blood cleansing herbs assist the liver.
    Also: Many times the root cause of adult acne is an imbalance of glucose in the skin. A product called GTF chromium by the brand Kal really helped me with that. In this case sugar (of any kind, yes, even just a little, even junk like ketchup and foods with sugar) really causes break-outs. If I ate sugar my skin used to break out for about a week. GTF chromium helped with this cause of it.
    The last thing that comes to mind I did to heal my skin problem was use an exfoliant pad when washing my skin every day. I used the Buff Puff brand regular and scrubbing the dead skin cells that accumulate off my face every day stopped them from clogging the pores.
    Oh-like the woman above I too of course gave up wearing makeup on my skin. It was really scary at first, but I braved through it and it made a huge difference.
    good luck

  30. I saw red about it in the local newspaper ( "Het Laatste Nieuws" - Belgian newspaper ) --> and just wanted to place this short comment : No matter if u're wearing make-up or not, beauty comes from within. It is something fare more then mere skindeep. However , taking in account the current piece of mind of our society where people are brainwashed into beliefs and defenitions about what is and is not beautiful I do admire the courage and strength that you exhibitet by posting this blog . Hence there is only one 1-word reply that can be said about it : respect ! Respect for comming up for your own personallity, respect for facing the horrible unjust accusations from people that u have never met before and above all respect for not betraying who you realy are : a very beautiful young woman. And yes, this is most likely a post for women lol and I am male but courage is courage, no matter in what form it shows itself :-) ( ps : I appologise for any misspellings but english is not my native language ) With Regards , Axel

  31. Em, I admire your courage for being so honest. You've helped many to accept themselves for who they truly are because beauty is beyond skin deep. I sincerely hope and challenge you to find the courage to let go on make up for a season of time and allow your skin to heal. Make up contain many chemicals and some of them disrupt hormones. Try taking virgin coconut oil as well as using it as face moisturizer. I believe a healthy diet will do you so much good and you will see your skin improve over time. Don't give up hope!

  32. The only thing that worked for me was light! I had big, ugly zits on my forehead for many years almost continuously, tried everything I could lay my hands on, nothing worked very well. Then I heard of a particular wavelength of light that neutralizes the acne bacteria, and realized that my zits got markedly better on sunny holidays. I'd assumed that was down to reduced stress levels or something, but I knew sunlight contains all wavelengths of light, so I decided the light cure was worth a try even though people were charging a fortune for it. Then I thought, as an engineer, I could probably source a manufacturer of LED lights at that wavelength and save some cash. The closest I got was this English firm who supply a 20 LED bulb for a lot less than anyone else I've come across. 2 weeks after getting the bulb, no more zits. I've found 10-15 minutes per day waving the light around my forehead is enough to stop them coming back, ever. For the technically minded, the light wavelength is 415 nano-metres and because light penetrates the skin, it sorts out the root of the problem better than any topical cure I ever tried, and after more than 30 years suffering from zits I must have tried most things. So here's the website, and just to be clear, I don't work for them or get commission, I'm just really grateful to these guys!

  33. Where have u learnt to do that kinda professional make up? Works so well I wanna learn it too ;)

  34. I wuold like to believe in myself as you have learned.

    1. I would like to believe in myself as you have learned.

  35. Hello darling girl. Yes, you are more than your skin. From just glancing at a few things on your blog, it is clear that you are and intelligent, sensitive woman. Good for you. And remember: haters are always going to hate. Love yourself and don't worry about all the trolls out there who have nothing better to do with their time than to bring someone down. I salute you for your courage.

  36. Thank you for your courage! I'm learning to love myself in my skin...

  37. Hi Em, your story has spread to Sweden, - you are an inspiration.
    In addition, you are a very talented make up artist!

  38. Thank you for your video, you look amazing, with or without make up. I have never had any skin problem but always had issue with my weight. While I was just slightly more chubby as my friends as a kid, my parents and doctors always told me I was too big. And this is how I grew up and this is how it got into my mind it didn't matter that actually my weight was "normal", I have always thought I am too big making me unconfident and a lot of issue about myself. Anyway, this video should be shared by everyone to help kids and others to feel better about themselves and prevent them growing up or feeling not as good as others because of what they're look like as at the end of the day, everybody is beautiful in their own way and should believe in oneself!

  39. Such and amazing an inspirational post. I have also had a love/ hate relationship with my looks for 29 years and have got to the point where I have realised that I just have to embrace what I have and stop worrying that I am too ugly/ pale/ fat/ thin. Life is too short and we all need to realise that our flaws and quirks make us unique. Loved reading this, thank you.

    Beth- mysokohldlife.blogspot,com

  40. Very powerful post! Thank you for your honesty and courage! You are truly inspiring :)

  41. I had a much bigger problem skin than you. People laughed at me, screaming in my face the most horrible things. Every day I returned home with tears. I wanted to die. People abhorred me. Just like you - they told to wash. I'm surprised that it's all stand it. Acne cured a few years ago, but still this experience made me very very hurt. Man is the biggest beast, thats why I love animals. Sorry for mistakes in any. I invite you to my developing blog.

  42. back off the wheat, all grains, all glutten, go on a paleo diet, you'll see a dramatic change!!!!

  43. I love you Em ❤️
    you make us strong. keep posting and inspiring!!

  44. You can search "German New Medicine" by Doctor Hamer, you'll find that Acne is simply a "disfigurement conflict" , a self esteem loss due to aggressive behavior towards us and especially to our external appearance. Infact often it happens to teenagers during puberty, since at that age we are insecure and we hardly know how to protect us from external influences, and a friend´s joke or a bad word can cause inner us wounds that then outwardly manifest. Sorry for my english, thanks google translate.
    You are kind and beautyful

  45. Heii, i hope you understand my English :$
    Im a 20 years old Girl from Germany, and i dont like myself too. I saw your videos on Youtube and i really liked them.
    You are a wonderfull woman and so beautiful even with and without makeup.
    This text helped me really.

    You are wonderfull!

    Thank you!!

  46. Amazing project !
    Had this problem and it makes us so much better about ourselves to see that.
    I am french and lived in Brazil with 12 other girls from everywhere. It was so cool to see how we are all the same some how (with qualities and imperfections). If I have one advice to give here, that would be : ladies, try to hang out more with other older (mature) girls. It helps gaining in self confidence :)
    Thanks emy for ur courage n inspiration !

  47. You’re my hero! So beautifully brave for putting yourself out there amidst all the hate and criticism to prove this valid point. Kids were brutally mean to me the entire time I was in gradeschool & highschool, because of my acne problems. I didn’t have the traditional good looks most of them had, and they really used it against me. The associations with bad skin are far reaching. As if pointing out the blemishes isn’t enough, people also assign other negative connotations based on your acne problem… unhygienic, ignorant, unconfident, lazy…I could go on and on. This harassment made me borderline obsessed with makeup, I would check the mirror at least once an hour to make sure no redness was poking through, or god forbid if I’d acquired a whitehead that was visible.

    My mom would give me the “you don’t need makeup, you’re only in 6th grade” spiel. I was so desperate I actually started stealing foundation. She didn’t quite understand the need for foundation until I broke down crying about the bullying & begging her to buy me at least the cheap dollar store brands. By the time I got my hands on makeup, most of the damage to my self-esteem was already done and I’d developed a bit of social phobia. I had very few friends and the pattern continued until I moved out for college. Then, I was finally able to reinvent myself, and start fresh with new people. Even though I still had some acne problems, by then I’d mastered the art of makeup application. My college roommates were much more reasonable and mature than anyone I’d previously met in high school, so I even had confidence to walk around the dorm room without makeup on. Although it’s difficult to not have a cynical view of people after hearing so many rude judgmental remarks, dealing with these problems definitely gives one a backbone of steel!

  48. Thank you So much for posting all of your favorites!! My dry skin usually flares up when the weather changes too!

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  49. So I traced you all the way back here. I was hoping that you would be able to read this yourself. Admittedly I only heard of you after you became viral but I need you to know as someone with an invisible disability that often makes me feel less than attractive I send you all my love. Never let anyone but you define you. Let the haters hate, they only hate themselves. I learned that the hard way. You are beautiful never ind the hate. I want you to know as a mom I loved you for your bravery and your strength of spirit. Please never shed another tear over losers with nothing but hate in their hearts. They do not live such good lives. Look past the hate into their glass houses and you will see trough to the reasons the hate is so strong. Always love.

  50. Thanks for your information that would really help us a lot
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  51. You are absolutely amazing, this world needs more people like you that not only just embraces who they but shares that confidence with others so they too can love themselves! You truly are inspirational and I think that's the best thing, to be able to inspire people. <3

  52. You are absolutely amazing, this world needs more people like you that not only just embraces who they but shares that confidence with others so they too can love themselves! You truly are inspirational and I think that's the best thing, to be able to inspire people. <3

  53. I just discovered you, & on YouTube. I am so grateful for your courage, especially in your video, "You're so disgusting."
    I am 58, old enough to be your mom. There's are several reasons why it is so important that I found you at this period in my life. First, I have 18 grandchildren, are were just blessed by the birth of our first Great-grandson. Two of my granddaughters are just now 13 and 14 years old, which brings up lots of their insecurities of worrying about what others think of them. With age I've learned a lesson that I so wish I could just give them now so they could avoid years low self-esteem. What I learned was that while we spend too many hours critiquing our looks, fretting over 'will others think I'm good enough, what we fail to understand is those 'others' aren't even thinking about you, they too are busy beating themselves up like you do. You aren't even on their radar. But as we all know, we learn our life lessons in our own time.
    Also, I just went to Ulta, a cosmetic/beauty salon, for an appointment to learn to how apply my makeup for the 58 year old I am today rather than the 20-something I used to be. Because my eyes always were my best feature I learned to apply eye makeup that was on point when I was 25, but doesn't work at age 58. Why? Because my deepset eyes no longer exist, aging took care of that. I really am okay getting older because with it also comes a sense freedom of being comfortable with the fuller sense of who I am and I really do like how I have turned out.
    But I have too admit I really not crazy about all the extra skin I now have, or that somehow my upper lip has disappeared. I was asking my husband how old is too old to be getting breast enhancement? Fortunately aging is a gradual process, so I'll have time to ease on into it. Besides, I might as well make peace with it all, because I don't have choice, my body is changing whether I like it or not.
    There is one thing I do miss and that's those unexpected times when a nice looking man complements you or you hear a whistle as you walk by. Do young men whistle at beautiful ladies when they see them today?
    Mama Kay

  54. Stunning Blog about Pale Skin it was pretty much the internet which dragged my sorry sullen ass out of beauty black hole, and helped me become confident in my skin.

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  59. Hi Emma, I'm a dermal Therapist in Australia and also was an adult acne sufferer I would really like to help you and anyone else who is suffering. It is curable and manageable I have. A few tips on my website for reference. Anyway from what I can see is that your skin barrier function is impaired which causes teams epidermal water loss which causes the skin to become inflamed and infected. You can easily change this by incorporating some skin mimicking ingredients to your skin care. A good brand is Dermedics Calm Range and you want Ceramides and alike that mimic your natural lipids. To treat the pustules nothing beats straight tea tree oil because it's both anti fungal and anti bacterial which acne is both. Stay away from glycolic and salacylic acids and opt for enzyme peels once a fortnight to once a month. The third thing you need to do is address your gut health by taking probiotics. I wish you guys all the best and if your really keen to fuck acne off seek out a good dermal therapist that practices corneotherapy it's the only thing that will help you. there are two keys pieces you really want to read.

    Vanessa x

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